I lived with a roommate every year when I was in my college dorm and apartments. As an introvert, occasional alone time was mandatory. If you feel the same way, here are some tips for how to spend time by yourself when you have roommates.
You don’t have to physically be alone to have alone time, you just need to feel like you are.
1. Buy Sound Canceling Headphones
Even though the word ‘alone’ means having no one else around you, other people don’t have to be out of the picture in order to have ‘alone time’. I know, sounds delusional, but even when you have company, blocking out the world is possible with a good pair of sound canceling headphones.
Make sure to let your roommates know when you plan to put these on and pretend that no one is around beforehand. This’ll let them know that you’re unavailable for a certain amount of time, which should keep them from trying to interact with you. This can help you further immerse into your own private world. High quality headphones with a sound canceling feature, such as the airpod maxes, are a good investment if you plan on staying with roommates for a long time.
2. Pick Up Hobbies To Do While Wearing Those Headphones
Now that you have a means to block out the world around you, it’s time to further separate yourself from the outside by immersing yourself in hobbies. The best ones to try are the hobbies that usually don’t require any noise. So making beats, editing videos, playing your guitar, etc. are not the kind that I’m talking about. Crocheting, drawing, crafting, etc. are the kinds of activities that would pair well with your headphones.
If you already have hobbies like these, then that’s great! You can just combine the task with lovely music, funny youtube videos, twitch streams, etc. For those of you who don’t usually participate in these activities, now’s a good time to experiment and dabble in them to find which one helps you relax the most. If you want 22 more ideas for how to make your apartment a relaxing place to be, check out my other blog post!
3. Learn Your Roommate’s Schedule
Knowing exactly when your roommates are going to be gone is a great way to take advantage of having alone time. This is especially easy if you are a college student. When I was in school, my roommate wrote down the classes that we had and posted them on the wall. This was easier than guessing and trying to get a feel for when we’d have the place to ourselves. People usually leave the house to go to work/class, so it’s easy to assume that you’ll have alone time during those hours.
However, if you all start and get off work at the same time, then it becomes ambiguous when any of you will get the apartment of yourselves. That’s when you should get more specific about when you’ll be out of the apartment; like if you have any after work activities you go to on a weekly basis. Also, if you ever plan on coming home early from work or hanging out, let your roommates know to avoid showing up unexpectedly.
4. Plan What You’re Going To Do Once Your Roommate(s) Leave
If you know exactly when your roommates will be gone, then you should plan an alone time routine to fully enjoy the empty apartment. During my sophomore year of college, my roommate was always gone on Friday mornings. Knowing this, I took that time to play music, exercise, watch twitch streams, and clean the bathroom if it was my turn. It helped me relax and I looked forward to that alone time every week. During my senior year, my roommate was always gone on friday nights, so I took that time to cook our meal for that week.
If there are some hobbies you enjoy the most when you’re alone, plan to indulge in them when your roommates are away. This can help you take advantage of every last minute of alone time that you have, rather than spending it wondering what to do.
5. Communicate
If you want alone time regularly in the apartment, then you should make that clear to your roommate(s). As an introvert with social anxiety, I know how hard it can be to tell people, in a polite tone, that you want to be left alone for a while. However, communicating that to the people that you live with should make it easier to carve out that space for yourself. It’ll also help them understand how you act when you’re open to interactions vs. when you’re not. Getting alone time in a shared home will also take compromise, especially if the space is pretty small.
6. Go For A Walk/Drive
Having a shared apartment all to yourself might be a rare occurrence for you. If it’s been weeks since you’ve been alone in your home, and you need time to yourself asap, leave the apartment. When me-time is hard to find, I like to get in my car and drive to a local shop where I’m free to browse on my own. If you have a car, taking a little drive might be the move for you.
Gas money isn’t cheap though, so going for a walk could also be an option. These are easy and fast ways to create alone time when your apartment seems constantly full. Look for a hiking trail nearby, take a walk around the block, drive without a destination, or drive to your favorite store, etc.
7. Look For An Empty, Sitting Area In Your Complex
Most apartments have places for you to hangout at when you want to get out of the house. This could be indoors, outdoors or both. When I was in college, my apartments had a pool, tennis court and basketball court. Apartments in the city might have a rooftop lounge area or indoor seating.
If there aren’t a lot of people at these places, or if they’re empty, use them for some alone time. If it’s not disruptive, you can do some of your hobbies here to make the time spent alone more enjoyable. Draw in the indoor seating area, play some solo tennis or basketball, take a dip in the pool, etc.
8. Take A Shower
I grew up in a house with only one sibling, so alone time wasn’t hard for me to get while I was at home. After moving to college, I realized how rare it can be to have the dorm and the apartment to myself. That’s when I discovered that taking a shower isn’t just a way to get clean and relax, it’s also a way to guarantee time to yourself.
If you desperately need some alone time, but you’re not up for leaving the house, take a shower. You can put your speaker on the counter for some ambient music, light some candles (fake ones if you’re in college) to create a mood, or just listen to the sound of the water. Give your roomies a heads up if you plan to take a long one in case they need to use it beforehand.
9. Play With Makeup, Do Your Hair, Do Skincare, Etc. In The Bathroom
A shower isn’t the only way to get some alone time in the apartment. There are other ways to use the bathroom as an escape from social interaction. You could play with a few different makeup looks and experiment with different aesthetics. Who knows, you might find a new one that looks amazing on you! Same goes for your hair; you could try a few different styles or give yourself a new hairdo altogether.
If neither of those pastimes are your speed, you could try giving yourself a spa day by focusing on skincare. This doesn’t just mean doing a face mask, this can mean exfoliating your legs, shaving, waxing and whatever else you want to do to feel fresh and renewed. Before you decide to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, let your roommates know since they use the space too.
10. Spend A Night Elsewhere
For those of you who are in college apartments, if your home isn’t far from campus then you could leave for a weekend if possible. A similar solution applies to those of you who aren’t in college but still have family nearby. If they’re willing to let you stay with them for a weekend, then holding up in a guest room, or your old bedroom, could be a solution. However, if you don’t know anyone nearby that you could visit for a night, then you’ll have to spend some money to get alone time. You could rent a solo airbnb for a weekend, or get a hotel room.
11. Use A Room Divider
This is one of those situations where you won’t physically be alone, but you can pretend that you are. If you ask your roommates to give you some space, pop on your headphones and put this up, then it can help you feel alone for a while. You can even establish it as a way to indicate that you want to be left alone without having to say it every time. Just make it known to your roomies that when the divider is up, you’re basically not here. If you’re feeling generous, you can let them use it when they need to as well. Just make sure no one hogs it so that everyone can get equal amounts of time to themselves.
12. Adjust Your Sleeping Schedule
If alone time is very hard for you to find due to having a similar schedule to your roommates, then you could try getting up early or staying up late. Choosing to stay awake while your roommates are asleep can make you feel like you’re alone, but you still have to be courteous to them. Don’t make too much noise while you’re relaxing by yourself. The tv might be off limits but if you have a phone, tablet or laptop, now’s another good time to put your headphones to use.
Choosing this method in order to get alone time isn’t about shaving an hour or two from the amount of hours that you usually sleep. If you decide to get up early then you need to go to bed early and vice versa. It may take a couple days to get your body used to this.
13. If You Have Your Own Bedroom, Lock The Door
A very easy way to get time to yourself in the apartment is by closing your bedroom door and locking it. If you usually leave it open, then you could put a sign up that says ‘do not disturb’ or something like that. You could also let all of your roommates know that you plan on spending some time by yourself and that’s why the door will be locked for a while. Communicating this beforehand can keep your roomies from knocking on the door and asking why it’s locked or if you’re okay.
When you’ve had enough time on your own, remember to take the do not disturb sign down so that your roommates know that you’re cool with socializing again.
14. Create A Nook
In tip number 11 I suggested that you use a room divider as an indication to your roommates that you want to be left alone. A nook can function the same way. You and your roommates can agree that, when someone is using it, they want to spend time by themselves.
However, there might be moments where you want to hang out in the nook but you’re still in the mood to socialize. In that case, you can tell your roommates that you’re craving me-time when you have your headphones on; otherwise, you’re open to chatting. You could also create a cute little ‘do not disturb’ sign for the nook. If you’re not a fan of either of those ideas, you could just verbally communicate to your roommates that you want to be left alone.
15. Take Trips Periodically
If it’s very hard to get alone time in your apartment and blocking out the world with headphones, going for walks/drives, locking yourself in your room, etc. is not enough, Then you may have to save up money to go on a weekend trip somewhere. Sometimes the monotony of the day-to-day can start to feel suffocating; Leaving home for a bit can feel like a breath of fresh air.
If you’re okay with the idea of traveling solo, then this should give you plenty of alone time. If traveling alone doesn’t appeal to you, then bring one other person and stay at an Airbnb with separate bedrooms or book separate hotel rooms. Taking someone else with you Could also give you the opportunity to split costs and save money.
